My Path to Australia
When I started The Pay Off, I did so with the intent of helping other soccer players. Whether it is through a means of sharing information, suggesting advice, or telling stories ranging from the community to the professional level, the goal is always to help.
As a semi professional soccer player, making somewhat of a living out of the sport, it would make sense to offer anyone reading a personal perspective. So in my best attempt at a letter to a younger self, or a twisted recap of my experiences with the sport, I write this now at 24 years old, playing semi professional soccer in Australia.
Here's how I got here.
Like most players, I found a joy in the sport early on. Introduced by my father, and cultivated through countless hours at the park, the ball shaped my ideas of progression. Truthfully, the ball meant more to me in the subject of creativity than in work rate. No doubt, I worked hard, but it was always the skills, the tricks, the flicks, and the magical touches that kept me at the park, craving more. It was the mastry of a craft that always kept me pushing. Playing futbol was about lighting defenders up with the moves I could create on a field, or the shots that I could attempt at goal. Futbol was about competing with friends to see who could keep the ball in the air longer, and who could deliver the best tricks on the ball.
In my opinion, our younger generations experience a shortage of this creative itch. In America, I feel the sport has shifted from joyful pickup games at the park to a hyper competitive club soccer system that places too much care in names and brands.
Nonethless, I played competitively. Club soccer, highschool soccer, the sport became a vehicle for me to not only travel throughout California, but really, throughout the United States. I was lucky enough to play tournaments and showcases in Dallas, Phoenix, Raleigh, and Florida, meeting unbelivably cool people and ball breaking mentors. And when it came time to graduate highschool and make my first attempt to figure life out, I panicked.
I always told myself I wanted to pursue professional soccer, but it's never that easy. Where would I go? How would I start? Especially growing up in Los Angeles, its such an unconventional path to pursue. Most kids, well most American kids, are encouraged to attend university. All my friends were headed down that path: a bachelor's degree and five figure debt. Fear of missing college, I decided to pursue college soccer. I thought that if I played soccer for a university, it could at least finance my education (and make my mother worry less).
College soccer did finance my education, along with the novel experiences needed for any young, reckless Angelino to live outside of their comfort zone. Yet when it came to soccer, what I found to be true among my experiences, and the recycled stories of most friends, was that most college programs are not stepping stones for development. Whether the faults lie in unqualified coaches, overworked athletes, or the cocktail of massive player turnover rates mixed in with a tremendous pressure to win, I would summarize most college soccer experiences as an uphill battle. I did enjoy increasing my tactical understanding of the game, but I never felt encouraged to do so. I did enjoy my teammates' company, but I never belived we developed a true chemistry on the field. And while I am grateful for every moment that I took the field in front of screaming fans, I never felt like I could reach my potential. By the end of my college career, I was burned out. Feelings of frustration made me belive that my time with the sport was done.
There is also a notion that we must talk about. The truth is that a graduated college soccer player, by age 21 or 22 years old has reached a threshold, a point where no one is no longer looking. Unless you are in the small percentage of players that makes the MLS draft, you are no longer on an agent's radar. Most agencies are looking at players under 20 years old, and I don't blame them. Soccer players are like stocks, and the right people want to make wise investments. It is not easy to get to this position of being drafted to an MLS team, and anyone that thinks so is mistaken. Subsequently, my focus shifted from playing soccer to working in it.
After a final semester abroad studying spanish in Costa Rica, and an unexciting graduation in Indiana, I came back to Los Angeles and coached soccer. This is where I fell back in love with the game. It was through coaching other youth players, that I could feel like a kid again. I pondered a career outside soccer, even managed property, but my joy rekindled every time I stepped back on the field. I enjoyed challenging younger players, as I would observe them learn, and grow their confidence. I was addcited to the feeling of progression through the sport. I still lived my life with values of discipline that the sport bestowed on me. I also started watching the game unforvingly, feeding my tactical craving. After a few serious conversations with some very important people in my life, I knew I had to jump back in the game competitively, while I still had cartilage left in my knee.
Culver City Football Club allowed me to jump back in immediately, playing in the UPSL and NISA. While not the most organized systems for aspiring players, this group was excatly what I needed. My time back in Culver City gave me hope for the sport. I played with surprisingly talented and technical players (mostly younger than me), and worked with coaches that inspired development. It is a weird feeling being one of the older players on the team. Some nights, you watch other players light up the field, and leave thinking, "fuck, that kid burned me" and you laugh. It gives you hope for the growth of the sport, When I was 18, there were barely any players playing at a semi professional level. It just wasn't accessible. Now, there's a lot. That is positive structural change. The most refreshing feelilng about playing semi professionally back in Culver City was the style of play, it made me feel like a kid again, like I was playing club soccer with my friends. When you leave to go play college ball in Indiana, you insert yourself into a new type of game where the ball stays in the air and the tackles are more frequent. Trying to navigate patience in the blue grass becomes much more difficult. My time with CCFC was refreshing because the ball was back on the ground, there was a plan to build out, and combination play and working in tight spaces were a big part of the game. I really enjoyed playing with this group.
However, the plan was always to leave, and find a team that would pay. Just before covid, a friend and teammate introduced me to an agent at Soccer Smart. This agency works a bit differently, ensuring most competitive players throughout the UK and the States a place to play. They had developed a moderatley more ethical reputation than most agencies and offer opportunities to play in countries like New Zealand, Australia, and parts of Spain. With a Zoom interview, a few phone calls, and an attached fee, I could play for a team in Australia. No try out process needed, just a collection of my footage was good enough to get me in the door. It sounded like a hoax, and for a period of time, I thought it was. Covid hit and I hadn't heard from them for months. Yet during this period, most soccer teams shut down. Eventually, I got the call and took the risk.
I tend to ramble on about this feature but soccer has become a vehicle for me to travel most places, and gain brand new experiences around the world. This was another opportunity to do exactly that. While I felt proud of the little I accomplished in LA, I didn't want to skip out on another chance at travel and adventure. So now, I write to you from a cold little cafe in Geelong, Australia. I play for Rangers Soccer Club, who play in a state divsion, comparable to the last one that I played in Culver City. The soccer is not as pretty and the players are less technical, but I am recieving weekly match pay and a compensated living arangement. I am valued. This is something I would have never imagined playing at the same level in the States. There is also something beautiful about the culture, as I have come to develop a new definition for clubs and the community that supports them. If I could walk away from this experience with one lesson, it is the ultimate power and support of a community that affects a team.
At the end of the day, a playing career will always be bitter sweet. There will always be ups and downs, give and take. I think I may have sacrificed an experience playing beautiful futbol in a dispassionate system, for playing uglier futbol for a more passionate and resourceful system. Regardless, I choose to treat these experiences as well needed levels in a video game. Maybe with each one, I can level up and become a more rounded character in the video game. Or maybe I am just going nuts.
Overall, my three months here in Australia have shown me that other countries in the world can cater more developed soccer structures that place a high value on community. I believe I can make a living here playing the sport, and see how a future playing might be sustainable. I'm not certain of my decision for next season, I mean, I don't even know what I'm eating for lunch tomorrow. All I'm saying, to the younger me and maybe those like me, is that a playing career is do-able, achievable even. It may not be F.C. Barcelona, and you may not make enough money to drive a Bugatti around and swim in pools of cash, but to me, a playing career means continuing to do what I love most. If that changes, that's fine, as long as I'm not selling insurance in a cubicle somewhere. No disrespect for those that do, it's probably just not my style.
On the subject of finding meaning and purpose in life, Hunter S. Thompson, the writer, once wrote in a letter to his friend, "Beware of looking for goals. Look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and see if you can make a living within that way of life." Being a soccer player is most definitely a way of life. From bedtime to nutrition, and from discipline to ego, I view it as a lifestlye, always trying to focus on the present moment. I'm not dissuading anyone from setting goals, I've set plenty. All I'm saying is that I've chosen to pursue a way of life and I don't regret any decisions so far.
I hope this helps, and if it doesn't, well, it feels good to just get it out. Until the next one!
