3 Takeaways Every Club Soccer Parent Should Apply to their Child
When I started coaching, it was with the intention to teach kids about the sport. I found out pretty quickly that this is only 20% of the job. My newest role, and proudest accomplishment is the management and education of 60+ parents' expectations. It's only fair that every parent is clued in on their child's development. And so what is the role of the parent in their child's development?
I was recently asked by a mother after my soccer game this past Saturday. "What should I be telling my kid during the game?"
I smiled, and replied, "nothing." Please don't say anything. Sit down and clap. Enjoy your kid.
Here are 3 lessons every club soccer parent should apply to help our players develop.
Shut Up
Let me preface this. I have teams of 8 year olds, 10, year olds, and 13 year olds. I often tell my parents that our goal, in development, is to create autonomous soccer players. We want our players to make decisions for themselves on the field, possessing the ability to create play under pressure, without fear or hesitancy. In order for players to do this, they must be allowed to make mistakes. When we scream at our players to "pass it" or "kick it," we hinder their own confidence on the ball, and interfere with their sense of control, not to mention, offer contradicting instructions.
Bob Marley once said, "Football is freedom." He is right. Football in itself, is self expression. A great soccer player produces magic and beauty, just like a great artist. We admire the legends of the sport for what they can do on the ball. We are wonderstruck as we watch old videos of Ronaldinho on YouTube, balance a ball from ear to ear, and we become lost for words when watching Lionel Messi decelerate through three defenders with a ball glued at his feet. Football is freedom. We need to allow our growing players to be free.
Don't scream at players to “pass it.” Players should be encouraged to dribble at a young age. We need them confident in pressure and daring in adversity. If they lose the ball, and concede the goal, there is enough learning there, without the help of a screaming parent. The player made a decision and they will face the consequences of that decision (on the field).
Don't scream at players after mistakes. Most times, players know they've made a mistake. Don't emphasize the mistake. The beautiful thing about that mistake, is that there is always an opportunity for a reaction in that player. As a coach, I am joyful when I see this reaction. Maybe it is a scowl and a hard tackle, or a 20 yard sprint down the field. Often, players can't find that reaction. Their head is still stuck on the mistake because the dad that played high school soccer in the 70's put the mistake on blast.
When golfers golf, they demand silence. The same is true with tennis. And yet in soccer, at the highest level, players are forced to focus on the game while blocking out every negative thing shouted at them in a stadium. These are professionals, with years of experience under their belt. The same does not apply for our youth players. We must let them play.
You’re Teaching Too
I've encountered way too many club soccer games where parents are shouting profanities at the referee. Soccer games can be exciting and emotion can get the best of us. It is important to remember that we are still teaching kids how to act in a sporting environment. Although parents are the one's sidelined, parents still have an obligation to exemplify respect.
To put the situation in perspective, the reason why club soccer leagues struggle to retain referees is because not many people want to spend their weekends getting criticized by crazy parents.
As a coach, I seldom spend much attention on the calls of the referee, even if they’re bad, even if they're unexplainable, even if they are quoting a soccer handbook from the Pelé era. Instead, I choose to focus on the reaction of my players. With this, there is a pretty cool life lesson that our kids must learn, and that is the understanding that there will be factors in a game beyond our control. Whatever factors those are, we seek to manage the “controllable's" and adjust our reaction as best we can to the “uncontrollable’s.” The same should be true to life. Please don't come up to your son after a game, with a few slices of oranges, and tell him (or her) how the referee ruined the game for us. We're not doing any justice in the department of life lessons.
Build the Field
A parent's role in their child's development takes place off the field, away from the pressure of a competitive match. A parent's role is a balance of support and challenge. A club training 2-3 times a week is not enough for our children to reach their maximum potential. They must be encouraged to go to the park with the ball, to create a relationship with the ball. At the end of the day, the foundation of a player's development depends on their relationship with the soccer ball. Are they familiar with it? Can they protect it ? How well can they manipulate it?
The parent has the ability to control the environment. It's a special thing when parents start watching soccer with their kids. It is like introducing a whole new world of Narnia to them. Introducing professional soccer allows children to find their passions and interests in different avenues of the game, even if those passions and interests come down to supporting the same club. Children can start to find wonder and amusement in great players and simulate those details on a daily basis. Remember, football is about passion and emotion. True for the youngest player, up to the pros. We celebrate goals together, and this becomes the glue that holds our bonds together. Introduce an environment of football.
Find opportunities to play outside of club soccer. Club soccer puts children in a better position to develop but it is not the only solution in development. They must fall in love with the game. While club can do a good job teaching our kids, it can also put too much pressure on our kids at younger ages. Children should have opportunities to go to the park and play with friends, play at school, play in an environment that is less formal, and naturally competitive. These opportunities pump joy in to players and should always be taken advantage of. I hear a lot of parents bragging about a child's mile time or their record in a swim race. Kudos to that child's fitness level, and I'm sure it is a net positive to introduce various sports at early ages, however, if you want your child to become a better soccer player, they must play soccer. A piano player does not run laps around the piano to become a better pianist.
Lastly, just be there. A soccer journey can be frustrating. Players experience more losses and more adversity than wins (that is if they're on the right path). A parent's presence and support can be pivotal in a player's development, through all the twists and turns. The rides, the early mornings, they mean more than we think.
